Just around 10 days before, my real younger sister got married. (Note- I have never been married or engaged)
Yes! Younger one.
How did that happen you ask?
It happened because it was the right thing to do. She loved/found someone and she deserved to be with him.
Yes, this “might be” absurd situation in your eyes has a very simple answer to it. It might be unacceptable to “some” and to those spice craving “some”, I regretfully apologize to not feed Spicy circumstances.
Okay, I made it pretty clear that it was simple, so why and what do I have to say through this post?
So, So Much!
Whoever said, “Experiences teach you way more than thoughts” was a wise man indeed. Through this Big Fat Punjabi Wedding, I got an opportunity to think, read, ask/talk to others to get various, extensive perspective!
Some thoughts were also directed by my sister’s silent yet loud eyes.
She was a bride yesterday, you or I might be tomorrow but I am assuming these emotions would be almost consistent.
Typical Wedding Truths In India
- Parents will spend more money than the mandatory community’s obligation, basically out of their budget. Don’t even think you can make them understand this. Do you want to try? Go ahead, don’t mewl when you are being broached as a child with no sense of understanding.Yes! You! You are a child.
It’s true that they think you are old enough to get married and start a family but you are still a juvenile in almost all other sectors.
- Arrange marriage is to bring two strangers together with a hope that they will respect each other for eternity. How do these wise “tying the knot” people forget to examine the condescending impression of the boy and his family being created in the girl’s brain? -When there are so many gifts given to one side to keep them happy so they welcome her with open arms?
In some cases, I also know about the silent demands which the parents feel compelled to fulfil and to also keep under the curtains. To an unknotted/(For some) judgemental person like me, it shouts this, “The girl leaving her family/house is not sufficient and there need to be other offerings”.Let me also make it clear, these offerings are not like wishing luck gifts. (Those might be valuable). These gifts are for the groom’s father’s uncle’s daughter. Now, if you can’t understand these differences, then “May Ignorance be bliss for you forever”
Want to also hear about the different verses parents tell their well educated/ Independent girls?
Not necessary to say, these verses don’t rhyme at all to the way they have fostered them.
By the law of 19th-century sustenance, these verses made sense-
While currently, when girls are so differently encouraged?
Does it make sense?
You are a Judge to that!
- Cook Everyday- By all means, if you taught her how to cook in your own house every day, she should also be expected to do it efficiently or willingly in the to-be house.
- Plan children soon- I would not use the term “Some” here, out of 10 ladies around me, at least 7 of them say they have dissipated their lives taking care of children, they don’t say it was a waste, but at the same time, they wish they did something for themselves. Your lifelong teaching and having children soon verses are contradictory mothers.
- Curb your demands- We shouldn’t/can’t work 9-5 to fulfil our demands and we shouldn’t be demanding from others and adjust??
- Be a good homemaker- Why did you grow us to study, compete and work then?
What would I (Futuristic Prospective Bride) love to hear/say?
- Tell me to adjust to the new people, don’t tell me to compromise myself or my life learnings in the process.
- Tell me to stand up for myself the way I stood up in my own house. Being patient and calm can be a true sword here.
- Live in Modesty/Simplicity. It’s a strength to know the difference between your needs and desires. It’s an even bigger strength act consciously on it.
- Telling me to become an awesome chef overnight is unrealistic also expecting me to like it is sort of unfair. Tell me to be a good, honest and a kind partner in this relationship I’m about to start.
- Listen to everyone’s advice, still be true to your stand.
- Spend less on the wedding day/function and secure me/guide me to create a fulfilling family through that.
- You can’t fight with the whole world for this biased way of marriages(A girl shifts to a new house). Don’t be desperate to give me away, fight to keep me little longer.
- Rather than asking me to adjust my life choices, so I find a more eligible boy. Tell me to find a boy who fits into my life choices.
- The teaching of “self-worth” is the richest gift you can give me.
You raised me to be strong and fierce than why do you fear me taking charge???