“Agree to Disagree” this catch-phrase has enraged and irritated me more than soothed. I think who ever came with this phrase had reached the tail end of an argument where they could not impose their point of view and said- Cant we just agree to disagree?. With only a few who really understand the underlying meaning behind this expression, most use it as a last resort to end an argument as understanding the differences with an open-mind takes more effort and patience then just making a statement to agree to disagree. Midway absolutely doesn’t mean you bent the knee this time and I will bent it the next. It is to understand the issue at hand and come up with an alternative which covers both the perspectives or concerns.
1- Focus on the Issue at hand- The issue is related to the choice of place for vacation and you are arguing about everything but that. Try not to divert and don’t make it about your opinion or about your choice.
No Vacation this summer!
2- There is only right- No-one is really wrong to have an opinion they can justify to themselves. There are 10 solutions to every problem and there are many ways/angle to look at a complication. And your solution or way is just one of the possibilities. Digest this fact and live with it. When there is no right and wrong, there is no you versus the other person.
3- Use a low polite tone- High offensive pitches spoils an opportunity for people to love and respect someone without conditions while having a disagreement. As soon as you loose the respect in your tone, the discussion goes in a downward spiral.
4- Past in the Past- Stop being a prick who remembers each and every mistake of someone and bring them down every time you get that opportunity. Try to talk about the present issue letting the past go. Don’t punish someone for the mistake they made in the past today even after resolving that argument and creating an understanding around it.
5- Taunt free discussions with no third person– Bringing a third person in a discussion just to hurt/compare is not very healthy. Look at it this way, if you scream, it’s not just the other party will have a bad day, it’s both of you. So screaming, shouting and taunting throws you down your moral standards.
7- End to Win- If the onset of a discussion is with an end-to-win vision, there is no substantial growth in that relation. Start with a point of view with a possibility and allowance to change progressing the discussion.
8-Listen- I can’t emphasis more on how important it is to develop this important habit. Put your guards down and listen to someone with an urge/interest to understand rather then waiting desperately for them to finish their side of the argument so you can have the last word and win.
9- Wait it out – If the rage has consumed you and there is no way you could leave being a “dragon spilling fire”, the best thing to do is to sleep over something and have a fresh mind to discuss things the next morning with a more composed demeanor.
10- Disagreement is not liability – Don’t shun down arguments because they drain your energy by making you question your beliefs/stance and have long-time discussions. Argumentation build very strong relationships and trust in the other person which no movie, or dinner can.
Have Healthy Disagreements!!