Ready for Marriagectomy- Check
Goggles on- Check
Prenup Rights– You have the right to remain silent, distracted or Jud-gy while knotting this post. You are free to assume I’m an anti-marriage feminist whose bachelorhood flows through her veins. None stated above will change the course of this articulation.
Also, I apologize in advance to all those middle-aged-aunties whose life purpose is to conjugal every half-grown adult as soon as they come to age.
Just one last disclaimer I promise- if you are marred up in a matrimonial arranged by your parents, any fuel that flows through your logical brain while or after reading this post is not my fault.
3 centuries in one post, you can’t expect the post to be very short. But it won’t be very long as well- Another promise I intend to keep.
Oops!! Yet another disclaimer…
Isn’t that how 19th century marriages began- With the Wedlock of 7 lives?
People got married in the past not for love but for their family and implementing a better structure in society. (Not Nada love!! of-course they shared love with each other. Me, You are the descendants of that wedded love.)
The upper class people got married for influence and power, Middle class for dowry, lower- labor class for an helping hand at work and women got married for social and financial security.
Holy crap!! Since people are soo sensitive about this topic, I am forced to put another waiver. “This post is a generalized opinion derived from my personal (Not-NASA Approved) HYPOTHESIS and I salute the exceptions with my thumbs-up heart”.
So where were we?
Yes, past marriages. I will also go as far as admitting that former marriages had less expectations and the division of roles might not be fair but it was more organized than today.
So gender roles in the former marriage?
Men went out to earn the livelihood and Women stayed home to take care of the household.
Simple division of responsibility! Or Was it?
Somewhere along those path, it gave men the idea of superiority for the tasks they did which led to disrespect, open insults, domestic violence and what not for the opposite gender.
All this while, women had their own idea. They came to terms with:
- Men are mean with their words.
- Every bad deed of a child is due to mother and every good deed is inherited through father.
- Waiting for their partners was a never ending task.
- Accepting the disrespect without a voice.
- Leaving and shifting their houses like it is their duty which many men today also take for-granted.
FYI– One of these women is my mother and I dutifully respect her for her choices based on the circumstances.
Great! I can already see some commentators running behind me with their sword.
No reason to stop, keep running!!
To be fair, men got their chance- to lead with pride and they blew it by disregarding the doctrine, “For the family, by the family and to the family”.
From my standpoint, this failure also became the catalyst for Feminism.
So, What changed between the 3 centuries then?
Being a women in my mid-twenties who is frowned upon for not choosing to marry yet, I can tell you what my desire is and why so many marriages around me(of kind people individually) are falling apart. You can draw your own hypothesis of “Change” from there.
I desired to get married on the basis of my values and compatibility. So do others of my age.
What’s the glitch here then?
Growing up in a world full of choices, we have been nurtured to have preferences. Suddenly when we come of age, our parents want us to get married for the same reasons that prevailed in the past. Money, power, security, helping-hand etc etc. Actually, add one more wrecked reason to that. Good looks!!!!
Surety of this life-long union start to shake very soon. That is when marriage balls become marriage blues. They can get married for all the above mentioned reasons, but staying married becomes a problem as the preference appetite is asking for “More”.
Believe me when I say this, Independent and Educated generation fall for that and that too without any skepticism due to their eternal love for parents and of course their weak will to be Responsible.
Platonic and loveless relation that they get themselves into, suffocate them Day in Day out. More?
- Communication gap-Men don’t understand and Women nag too much.
- Men are idiots. They have only seen their mothers who have been a house wife. So they don’t give up their expectation to have a super women who should have ambitions and also be a great cook. Get a grip boys!!
- Women are idiots too– So many of my friends have double standards when it comes to this. (No, No, Not you buddy) If you are soo independent then why do you expect your husband to buy you that family car, or that big house. Why can’t you think of buying it yourself? Make up your mind woman!!
- Joint family venture had crumbled long back and in your nuclear setup family, which wish of yours was not fulfilled? Tell me. Hoping you had gullible parents like mine.
- Technology is an enzyme which creates indigestion of highest order.
- Fly High expectation– Mother of all!! Such high expectation from husbands and wives who were just bachelor’s a few days before, eating chitos and listening to music whole day. What’s going to happen, you only take a guess?
My clear impressions and findings suggests the following antidotes–
- No shot gun marriages- As quick marriage click turn into bricks that hit in no time. (See my hard attained Rhyme?)
- Be skeptic whether you are getting married for your right reason.
- No treating one responsibility as more important and other as less.
- Take only that much on your plate that you can eat.
- Open up to common law marriages.
Some of you smart people might think, with such great hypothesis, I might have a great marriage.
Well, only if my right wasn’t this weird.
Stay Happily married!