Institution of marriage and its value can be transparently felt throughout the western society. It is one of the most important decision you make in your life which molds you and to the majority, it also means “Moving forward”. While your friends/best friends move forward and you stand stagnant (especially if you are single), it is pretty obvious to experience different melodramatic feelings however there is no obligation to be guilt-ridden.
1- Happiness with a twinge of envy- Okay so you are not a Schadenfreude (Someone who finds happiness in other’s misfortune) and you are delighted seeing her alongside someone who really loves her. Together they make you believe that true love exists and people get married for a reason however that little twinge of envy to have it for yourself exists simultaneously.
2- Unforeseen announcement -You have been discussing about getting married soon, where you will celebrate your spinsters and what kind of ceremony you want, even the dress and still as soon as the news is out, you don’t realize how the time has elapsed so fast.
3- Are you a loser?- The world can only see relatively and not absolutely and that fact hits you hard today. What if your other married friends, your parents, your mom’s cousin’s husband’s friend perceive you as feeble and helpless for being a single “Bridget Jones”. What if the whole world sees you like that, it is transparent to shun these thoughts but with a furrow.
4- Challenge accepted! – It is time to prove it to every uncle and auntie how scorching hot you are and how every man desires to have you as a partner. You go on a crash diet, follow a rigorous workout plan, drink gallons and gallons of water (and pee more often then humanly possible), take care of your hair and skin for the big day, pick out the perfect dress to shine and glow.
5- Censorious contemplation- When your child hood buddy is taking such an important step in her/his life, you go full fledged “Sherlock-mode” detecting every little progress and regress in your living and criticizing your career, love life decisions, and not just that, every thought is scrutinized.
6- Spending time counting milliseconds- You realize how her/his priorities and choices are going to change, may be he/she would not be your partner in those reckless misdeeds and you will not get your alone time to concoct about the conspiracies of that all-time topper in your class, or the weirdo who never spoke a word and just glared. These realizations might stick you like a glue to her which often roots some time-demanding unintelligent fights.
7- Dating/Deeming all the incorrect alternatives– Now that you are aware of running behind the wheel of best friends, you open Tinder, OkCupid, Coffee meets Bagel and find the best match and start dating boys on a spree. You don’t just date them but also consider them for long term in-spite of them not even clearing the red-flags you have shortlisted (In your head or on a paper). This spree not only makes you more miserable but the viscous cycle of censorious contemplation follows you like a shadow in the dark.
8-Profile Pictures recast/reform– You click selfie, you upload selfie, you click selfie, you add hashtags, you click snaps, you upload snaps. This is important not just so you can brag your single-hood and your beauty but the world needs to see you as a prospective bachelor.
9- Rationalize- No one’s life is perfect, neither is your’s nor will be her’s. That one realization helps you calm down. Being truly friends with her, you would always want her to be happy however her little adjustments might help you work your work in this.
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This is not a Formula one racing game and you don’t have to reach the finish line first to win. You might feel weird that everyone around is getting married and having babies but that is no bar to measure the quality of your life. Someone else’s life is not better because they are married or your life is not better because you are unmarried. It is always tempting to feel more superior by adding noisy educational degree label to your resume but that fake superiority is not worth adding a label of “married” to your name. It doesn’t officially make you an adult or fix you or complete you.
Marriage might give a path to your life, a path with roses, cute babies, love, fights, etc. This path has been followed and explored well in the past and if you wish to walk that road, then at least follow it for yourself, not for your best friend, or anyone else.